Archive for March, 2008
Mar 31
No, I’m not talking about Bill Clinton, I’m talking about the REAL top dog.. Hoss da Boss!!
Grand Master of Ceremonies Hoss da Boss Leads the Girardville St. Patricks Day Parade!
So the annual St. patty’s day parade was the other day and not a mention of the real sweetheart of Pennsylvania from any of the news outlets. All the attention was unfairly lavished on our ex-president Bill Clinton as he stumped for his wife. Boooo! What happened to equal time folks?
Well.. since no one else is covering the REAL story at that parade, you’re only going to find it here at the #1 source for all the next Basset President information!!
Now, normally this small town parade has an attendance of about 10,000 people, but this year it was estimated to be OVER 30,000 and who do you think gets all the credit for that.. not our favorite candidate! But the reality is, THAT is why a lot of those people turned out. Not to see some past tense, washed up old president.. but to see the new blood, the next wave, the new paws on the wheel… Hoss da Boss!
Hoss loves to interact with the newest generation of voters! Keeping kids enthusiastic about voting is VERY important to Hoss!
In a frenzy of paw shaking and baby licking, Hoss waddled his way into the hearts of voters across this town and at the end of the day, everyone knew exactly who they were going to cast their votes for!! HOSS!!
At this time, Hoss would like to thank ALL the people who came out to greet him and make him feel like the true peoples candidate! He’s counting on your support this November and after a turn out like this one, he’s sure he’ll get it too!!
Kids enjoying the girardville parade show thier support for the true candidate for change!
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Mar 19
Front page news today on the New Bark Times was a shocking picture of Fluffer D. Cat, Hoss Da Boss’s running mate for President of these United States, visitng a well known cat house in New Bark City.
The accompanying article stated that New Bark Police raided the establishment later that day, recovering documents that stated that a “client #9″ had been here around the same time the photo of Fluff was allegedly taken. When the records were analized, it was found that Client #9 was a regular at that establishment and that he was paying up to 5000 biscuits an hour to spend time with one, Catlexandra Fluffe.. a high priced pussy for hire.
An official statement has not yet been made, but rumors are that Fluff has said that he was in the area, but was never inside the establishment. “It was a nice sunny day. Since when has enjoying some sun on top of a cat house been a crime? I
thought that’s what they were for.” Fluff told us.
Catlexandra Fluffe was unreachable for comment, but it has been rumored that she previously appeared in the wildly popular Cats Gone Wild videos when she was still a minor. Should be interesting to hear her side of things!
So let the rumor mills fly.. at least Fluff is single and there will be no weeping spouse standing strong in the background when he makes his official statement to the press.
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Mar 15
An old familiar face re-emerged on the political scene today in the form of a new candidate. Geraldine Woofarro has announced her candidacy for President. She wasted no time attacking the MEAL TICKET and Hoss Da Boss by saying “If Da Boss was a Retriever, he would not be in this position. And if he was a bitch (of any breed), he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. He has those long ears and droppy eyes… he looks so sad all the time and the country is caught up in the “basset” concept.”
Hoss Da Boss has responded calling the comments “patently absurd” saying also: “I don’t think Geraldine Woofarro’s comments have any place in our politics or in the MEAL TICKET Party. They are divisive. I think anybody who understands the history of this country knows they are patently absurd,” Woofarro responded by announcing her withdrawal from the MEAL TICKET Party and the formation of her own party, The PAMPERED POODLE Party. She will be campaigning heavily in Hoss Da Bosses home state of Pennsylvania in the coming weeks.
In an ironic turn of events the Woofing Retriever Club of America has released a statement saying: “We are disgusted and appalled at the ridiculous statements by Geraldine Woofarro stating that a well spoken and well behaved retriever would never be a front runner in a presidential election. We are now fully backing Hoss Da Boss and the MEAL TICKET in the 2008 election. Vote Basset!”
Geraldine Woofarro announced her candidacy today and immediately attacked Hoss Da Boss and the entire basset breed.
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Tags: campaign,
election,
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hoss da boss,
pennsylvania,
poodle,
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Mar 13
You may have heard that recently, a boulder colorado woman was fined $1000 for dying her miniature poodle pink with beet juice and/or jello. The woman says she has been dying her dog to help raise awareness for breast cancer for the past 4 years… quite honorable I think. Apparently, Boulder has a law against dying animals to help prevent chicks and rabbits from being “colored” at easter time and some tight ass blow hard decided they should use it against the pink poodle woman.
Now, if this woman used some kind of harsh chemicals or human hair dye on her poodle, I might be inclined to agree that it’s excessive.. but at the same time, it is her dog and the dog looks to be extremely well cared for. So what’s the real problem here?
When does it become other peoples rights to say you can’t do something that is hurting no one? Obviously you don’t want people coloring baby chicks blue so dumb people say.. “awww.. it’s so cute! Lets put it in little Jimmy’s easter basket!” So a law needed to be passed, but why then is it subverted and made to fit someone elses agenda?
I just don’t understand what happened to america. We use to wave to our neighbors, have bbq’s together on weekends and generally lived our lives without getting in each others hair, but now it seems like everyone is so concerned about what everyone else is doing. So a woman likes to dye her dog pink. Who cares? You’re telling me there aren’t bigger issues in a town like Boulder?? Keep your eyes open. You might catch a little old lady jay walking today! You let them get away with it once and they’ll all be doing it!
So this is Hoss da Boss telling you that we need a little more belly rub love in America and a lot less punishing people for silly nonsense. Remember.. it starts with a dog, but then it’s the color you painted your house, how long your grass is, how you wear your hair, or any number of things. America is the land of the FREE… and that means free to enjoy your pink poodle!
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Mar 08
The Internet posting of a photograph of Meal Ticket presidential primary frontrunner Hoss Da Boss in what has been described as “Muslim” clothing has raised new concerns about the background of the Da Boss family.
The origins of this photo are unclear, but the ripples it has sent through the political arena have been significant. People are wondering who exactly “Hoss” is, who his friends are, who he runs with. Mainstream media has been hinting at Hoss being a Muslim “sleeper agent” just waiting for his chance to take over and mess up our government. (Honestly, could it really get any more messed up than it is now??)
“Many people are now saying they believe Hoss to be muslim, but they should know, he is a good Bassetolic and attends mass every week!” Hoss’s good friend and vice presidential candidate Fluff said. “Not a day goes by when Hoss doesn’t prove himself to be 100% American. I know where his loyalties lie! Hoss may love to sleep, but he’s no muslim sleeper agent!”
When asked for comment on this picture, Hoss was quoted as saying, “Another scandle? Where do they dig this stuff up? I have yet to see the picture.. I can hardly wait.”
So judge for yourself dear reader, does this picture not strike fear into your hearts??
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Mar 05
On Tuesday, Feb 26th, Hoss was featured on the front page of every newspaper in america, sleeping on the job. “It was a nice sunny day.” Hoss said in a statement to the press after the picture ran. “No one makes a fuss when the President plays golf, this is just my way of blowing off steam and relaxing.”
Opponents ran with this story and turned it into the next “bassetgate”. Hillary Clinton began running attack ads almost immediately. Seizing upon this opportunity to discredit Hoss.
Hoss wants everyone to know, that even though he enjoys a good snooze on the porch once in awhile, he’s fully capable of being at the ready faster than you can say, “Who wants a biscuit?” “This is just dirty politics at work and should not be taken seriously.”
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