Apr 17
After being denied the opportunity to join in the Democratic candidates debate in Philidelphia last night… Hoss decided to take matters into his own hands.. errr.. paws.. and crashed the party!
“We made several requests to participate in this exchange. Claiming that it would be good practice for all involved and get us ready for our face off in the fall.” Hoss told us. “We were laughed at. So I decided to take a different route.”
A plan was hatched to smuggle out favorite 65#, floppy eared friend inside the arena so he could try to get some press coverage rolling for his campaign. Once inside, Hoss began working the crowd. No one can resist a basset hound and he soon had them oooing and aaaaahhhing and wishing they’d brought biscuits.
Most were shocked to learn that Hoss was even running for president and said it changed their perspecitve on this election and truly gave them hope! “FINALLY! A candidate for real change!” Jebediah Abraham was quoted as saying. “He’s a true messiah for the people!” Baretta Winchester tells us that she had planned to vote democrat because she thought it was her only non-republican choice, but now she was throwing her support behind Hoss!
Hoss was able to lick babies and shake with many people inside before security was alerted to his presence and he was ushered out the door by several large security guards.
While cameras were rolling, no mention of this incident could be found on any of the major news networks.
Hoss da boss makes friends at the PA democratic debate last night.
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Apr 12
Sign outside of a local bowling alley that Hoss recently visited.
Hoss scores one for all the 4 leggers in the world by scoring an impressive 37 in his first attempt ever at the sport.
“It was tough at first”, Hoss was quoted as saying. “When I first booked this appearance, I wasn’t really thinking about the fact that I can’t pick up a bowling ball. Having no opposable thumbs makes it difficult.”
After a few failed attempts where he even tried to pick up the ball with his mouth, he realized that it would be much easier to place the ball near the foul line, go back a few steps, get a running start and then “push” the ball down the alley with his snooter.
This made for quite a few laughs when he actually chased the ball all the way down the alley and crashed into the pins himself. Resulting in his highest scoring frame, a strike!! “Instinct just took over. It’s tough when you are a dog to resist the urge to chase a moving ball and I just wasn’t mentally prepared that first frame.” Hoss said. “One of the guys in the next alley told me I needed to loosen up some and have a few beers. Apparently bowling is no fun sober.”
As the day went on, Hoss began to get the hang of the game and even though he was the first of his kind to ever set paw in a bowling alley, it sure was an experience for him!
“There’s ain’t nutin’ natural ’bout no dog bowling”, one PA local said. “He ain’t foolin’ us. Bowl all you want dog. We know you still ain’t like us.”
As of this writing, Hoss is continuing his tour of PA and might just be coming to a town near you next!
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Apr 07
Early this morning, a noxious odor filled Vote Basset headquarters, choking volunteers and sending everyone running for the door. When interviewed, those who were inside the building claimed they were suddenly enveloped in a rotten stench that made their throats burn, their eyes water and their noses curl.
Haz mat teams from surrounding towns were called in to help track down the source of the odor but by the time they arrived, the smell had disipated and no one was sure where it had originated.
After setting up fans to completely air out the building, EPA officials gave the all clear when air quality tests came back clean. “We take all reports of toxic vapors very seriously”, Jill Woofenstein field agent for the EPA told us. “Test results show that the air quality inside the building is as good as it can be. All tests came back negative”. When asked about the source of the smell, Ms Woofenstein told us that at this point it was unclear where the odor originated, but that they would come back immediately if any further vapors were detected.
When asked for comment, Hoss was quoted as saying, “I think it might have been Uncle Irv!”
Hoss has no idea where the toxic odor originated. He blames Uncle Irv!
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Apr 03
In an effort to reach the rural vote, Hoss has been visiting with local farmers to hear the difficulties they face in every day life. He wants it known that he feels farmers are our MOST important resource. They provide the FOOD! Without food, life would be a really boring place for a dog!
Just imagine! If there were no farmers, there would be no blueberry pancakes, french toast, no pumpkin or green beans! This will never do!
Hoss feels that instead of spending billions of dollars a day fighting pointless wars, our tax money should go towards supporting our farmers. Helping them get the tools they need to keep the leftovers flowing! There is no excuse for not fully supporting our most vital resource… Farmers!
So if you agree that you love your American Apple Pie and the apples, butter, sugar and flour that go in it, be sure to Vote Basset this fall!!
Hoss lets out a happy yell as he drives a tractor at a local farm!
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